Wife’s outdoor activities exclude the disabled husband
Dear Abby: My husband is in his 40s and permanently disabled from injuries sustained in a recent car accident. He is in pain, takes pain medication 24 hours a day, and sleeps most of the day. Her pain and stillness make intimacy impossible.
He doesn’t object when I go out with friends or participate in activities he is unable to do, such as hiking, biking or kayaking, yet I feel guilty for leaving him at home alone. days a week, and sometimes all weekend. His mom thinks I’m a bad person for doing this, but I can’t stay home with him after I come home from work because he falls asleep watching TV.
We both know this will be the situation for the rest of our lives. This personal care is very important for my physical and mental well-being because the financial stress is overwhelming as well. How can I continue to lead an active life while being the woman he needs?
– Sad fate in Pennsylvania
Dear Sad Fate: If the situation were reversed, is this how you would like your husband to treat you? It’s an honest discussion you should have with him. I’ll be frank. Leaving a spouse with a disability on a regular basis five days (nights?) A week or an entire weekend seems excessive.
You promised to love and honor and cherish this sick and healthy man. Would it be possible to include him in an occasional outing – if he can handle it – so that he can get some fresh air and get away from it all? If you have to go out to preserve your sanity, it would be compassionate to have someone stay with him so that he is not alone in an emergency.
Dear Abby: I am 28 years old. I started to fall in love with a girl I met recently. We talked for a while, expressed feelings for each other, and decided to start dating. She lives in Minnesota and I am in Texas. She is also in college. I think she’s 18 or 19. I know our age range is a bit wide, but we didn’t care.
Things were going well, but recently she’s been quiet and hasn’t spoken to me as often. She said she just needed some time to herself and that she had doubts about it all. I spoke with her about it and she told me that she still loved me and wanted me to come visit her, which I plan to do soon. I have the impression that she is cold in the eyes, and I do not know what to do. I love it. I want it to work between us, but I feel unwanted and unloved. What should I do?
– Start to lose faith
Dear Departure: What you need to do is recognize that you and this young woman are in very different places in your life. You are ready for a serious commitment to someone. She is a student who has not yet emerged from adolescence. If she needs some time to herself to figure out if she’s ready for the type of relationship you have in mind, give it to her. Don’t force it. If that means postponing your visit, so be it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.